Aircraft checklists

[SlasZ]

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Quantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is said that Quantas is the only major airline that has never had a major fatal accident.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200' per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[SouthPlatteDemon]

Lol!!!

[shreddermon]

Funny, but man that's old.

[OnlineStageGear]

Ya it is.

[StukaJU87]

Agree on all counts.

[kelly user]

first time for me and i was laugh the whole way threw it!!

[Firebird V]

an oldie but it still made me chuckle...

[emperor_black]

:ROTF:

a guitarist would probably say

P: Target radar hums.
S: Noise suppressor pedal introduced

[fuel0707]

It's a funny list but Qantas wouldn't have IFF (Identification Friend or Foe) equipment. That's for the military. The airlines would be using a transponder/encoder setup.

And airlines would have TCAS (Traffic Colision Avoidance System) or weather radar but not "target radar".

Still it's a funny list.

[Ripley7t]

Nobody really uses those checklists anyway. They just all get pencil-whipped. At least that was my observation with many Marine Corps pilots.

[patricef]

Nobody really uses those checklists anyway. They just all get pencil-whipped. At least that was my observation with many Marine Corps pilots.

A colleague of mine who owns a small plane says that cheap companies like RyanAir, use Post-Its for this cheks, to avoid going through though quality check and lengthy procedures. What happened once is that they replaced a defect gas gauge with the wrong model taken from an old airplane and the plane later crashed because the pilot though he has enough gas but in reality he didn't. Apparently it is a true story.

[Evol]

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.


rofl rofl rofl.... how in the hell would a midget hammering sound different than a normal size person??!?? :ROTF::ROTF::ROTF:

[JetFixxxer]

A colleague of mine who owns a small plane says that cheap companies like RyanAir, use Post-Its for this cheks, to avoid going through though quality check and lengthy procedures. What happened once is that they replaced a defect gas gauge with the wrong model taken from an old airplane and the plane later crashed because the pilot though he has enough gas but in reality he didn't. Apparently it is a true story.

Some aircraft have their fuel quantity in their avionics systems as well as having a gauge.

[uberthrall]

Never saw that list.......too funny!!

[JACKSONFREAK]

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.


rofl rofl rofl.... how in the hell would a midget hammering sound different than a normal size person??!?? :ROTF::ROTF::ROTF:

It would be lower in the panel and a bit higher pitched.