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How? Remember these three tips: and you'll really be IN Sweden:
1) say: "Yeah I'm from the US, OUR PRESIDENT SUCKS" (Every European hates Bush, eventhough most have no idea about American politics)
2) For all intents and purposes: you live in a STUDIO in NYC (I don't care if you don't, just flat out lie)
3) at one point during your conversation to whatever hot blonde, say the following: "I'm only going to be in Sweden for 2 nights and I'm looking for some good company to hang with". If you put that A-Bomb on women, she'll already be figuring out the best way to getting into your hotelroom FAST.
Wander round burbling like the chef from the Muppets.
Tell everyone you are "liking very much ze music of top Schveeedish shupergroup ABBA. Can tell me please where is ze official ABBA musheum?"
Tell everyone it's no wonder they are the world's top suicide country with booze prices so high.
Ask them if Volvo is Schveedish for Cunt.
Ask whereabouts exactly Swedish Erotica was born. Do they have a building, like the Hustler one in LA?
Tell them Sandy Toksvig is a midget dyke and they can have her back. (OK, so she's Danish, but we all know the Danes and Swedes are one and the same, right?)
Ask them why they are named after root vegetables. Tell them mashed swedes are wonderful.
Ask why they shot that poor wolf. Cry whilst asking.
Tell them you like their national sports (Rape and Pillage) Tell them Vikings are cool.
Ask if Britt Ekland has got any nice younger sisters and are they available. Not for marriage or anything. Just a good hard boning.
Ask why ALL the women aren't like Victoria Silverstedt. Make sure you taunt the other women who were cursed not to be as beautiful and blonde as her.
Ask if moose and elk are two words for the same thing. Ask if the fat chick over there is a moose or an elk.
Ask loudly if there is anyone in the bar who HASN'T fucked Ulrika Johnssen.
Phone an Au Pair agency and ask them to send round some Au Pairs. Ones who do anal, cos everyone knows a Swedish Au Pair is really a hooker.
Call the barman Benny. Tell him ABBA are your favourite band.
Apart from Bathory.
Tell him he has to be fucking joking about the bar bill.
Ask whose side they were in during the war.
Tell them they look like fucking Germans to you.
Sing "Knowing Me Knowing You" in an Alan Partridge voice at 3 am, outside your hotel when the night porter won't let you in.
Tell him he's going to have a 24 hour night when you get your fucking hands on him.
Get severely beaten up and then deported.
So I woke up,rolled over and who was lying next to me? Only Bonnie Langford!
Wander round burbling like the chef from the Muppets.
Tell everyone you are "liking very much ze music of top Schveeedish shupergroup ABBA. Can tell me please where is ze official ABBA musheum?"
Tell everyone it's no wonder they are the world's top suicide country with booze prices so high.
Ask them if Volvo is Schveedish for Cunt.
Ask whereabouts exactly Swedish Erotica was born. Do they have a building, like the Hustler one in LA?
Tell them Sandy Toksvig is a midget dyke and they can have her back. (OK, so she's Danish, but we all know the Danes and Swedes are one and the same, right?)
Ask them why they are named after root vegetables. Tell them mashed swedes are wonderful.
Ask why they shot that poor wolf. Cry whilst asking.
Tell them you like their national sports (Rape and Pillage) Tell them Vikings are cool.
Ask if Britt Ekland has got any nice younger sisters and are they available. Not for marriage or anything. Just a good hard boning.
Ask why ALL the women aren't like Victoria Silverstedt. Make sure you taunt the other women who were cursed not to be as beautiful and blonde as her.
Ask if moose and elk are two words for the same thing. Ask if the fat chick over there is a moose or an elk.
Ask loudly if there is anyone in the bar who HASN'T fucked Ulrika Johnssen.
Phone an Au Pair agency and ask them to send round some Au Pairs. Ones who do anal, cos everyone knows a Swedish Au Pair is really a hooker.
Call the barman Benny. Tell him ABBA are your favourite band.
Apart from Bathory.
Tell him he has to be fucking joking about the bar bill.
Ask whose side they were in during the war.
Tell them they look like fucking Germans to you.
Sing "Knowing Me Knowing You" in an Alan Partridge voice at 3 am, outside your hotel when the night porter won't let you in.
Tell him he's going to have a 24 hour night when you get your fucking hands on him.
Get severely beaten up and then deported.
:ROTF: :ROTF:
Say, I smell bacon.Does anyone else smell bacon?
Yeah, I definitely smell a pork product of some type.
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