I am a Viking god-like person

[fett]

Get this. Any of you people remember the "Barking Girl"? Well, it's a sunny day here in the park and my front door is open. Here I am stuck on the computer. She walks by "Barking". I, being stuck, just raised my voice and said; "Knock it off". She said; "OK":ROTF: :ROTF: :ROTF: :ROTF: :ROTF:

[rjohnstone]

:ROTF:
Nice!

[marcus]

Next time, try to get her to sit, roll over, and play dead

[Rsmacker]

Or lick her own arsehole.

[shobet]

or your arsehole

[RacerX]

Fascinating
































































Not

[Rsmacker]

Come on now, don't tell me you'd be totally disinterested in a woman who could lick her own arsehole? Or yours? (The second one is not totally within the realm of fantasy, provided you don't have a cornhole that is as crusty as Mount Vesuvius)
OK, maybe you could live without her running up to you in the street and sniffing your balls, but it's a small price to pay.


I have been trying for many a long year to persuade a female friend to rent an outfit like Doodles from the Tweenies (just fucking Google it!) , so I can "take her temperature". I'd need to see the ears pop up and eyeballs whizz round as I made contact though.
The thing is, I was soooooo close to persuading her, I was nearly there. It would have been a crowning moment for me. Strangely, I happened to wander in to my nieces' house whilst they were watching the Tweenies. Crashing onto the sofa, as you do, I idly watched the screen before realising I was becoming, ahem, "aroused" as Doodles capered and cavorted about. I think I truly am Twisted.

[fett]

Gee. Ron. You waste more space with that big drag down to get to "Not" than the length of the whole thread.

[jacksoncsplayer]

Come on now, don't tell me you'd be totally disinterested in a woman who could lick her own arsehole? Or yours? (The second one is not totally within the realm of fantasy, provided you don't have a cornhole that is as crusty as Mount Vesuvius)
OK, maybe you could live without her running up to you in the street and sniffing your balls, but it's a small price to pay.


I have been trying for many a long year to persuade a female friend to rent an outfit like Doodles from the Tweenies (just fucking Google it!) , so I can "take her temperature". I'd need to see the ears pop up and eyeballs whizz round as I made contact though.
The thing is, I was soooooo close to persuading her, I was nearly there. It would have been a crowning moment for me. Strangely, I happened to wander in to my nieces' house whilst they were watching the Tweenies. Crashing onto the sofa, as you do, I idly watched the screen before realising I was becoming, ahem, "aroused" as Doodles capered and cavorted about. I think I truly am Twisted.

:ROTF: :ROTF: :ROTF: :ROTF: :ROTF: :ROTF:

[delt]

"barking girl" .... ????

<--- confused

Come on now, don't tell me you'd be totally disinterested in a woman who could lick her own arsehole? Or yours?

I dunno, but personally i don't see anything erotic or attractive about anyone's ass hole, male or female.

[shobet]

No brown wings for you then!

[Rsmacker]

I dunno, but personally i don't see anything erotic or attractive about anyone's ass hole, male or female.

Well, more fool you, the Chocolate Starfish is there to be enjoyed! You are missing out on a whole raft of sexual experience, both yours and your Mrs'. In fact you are only using 50% of the facilities if you ignore hers, it's not just there for keeping your thumb warm when you are doggying her, you know. Use it, abuse it, buy a big tube of Prep H, she will thank you for the sex and think you are sensitive, caring and donut-friendly too.

I mean, how can you and your mates give her a proper birthday treat and turn her into a Man-burger without one of you charging up the Tradesman's Entrance? It's far more comfortable than trying to all get in the same hole, that's too much like trying to break the world record for people in a phone booth, a student jape. No, as the man says, get your brown wings on, get in there, and give her an "Airtight" between you. Oh, and go geeeeeeently, don't just spring on her and harpoon her balloon knot like Ron Jeremy or you might be getting NO sex for a while.

And don't forget your own Rusty Sheriff's Badge, there's plenty of fun to be had there too. Now, I recommend NOT inviting your mates round to give you a birthday treat , but if that's what lifts your skirt, so be it.
If the old lady really loves you, she'll give it a bit of a nosh, or maybe if you are really lucky she'll strap-on a nice firm dong and make you her bitch! Don't worry, you know those unfeasibly huge turds you block the bog with that you are so proud of? Well, she can use those as a gauge as to how flexible your cornhole can be and get you one that fits nicely! (I'll wager you never leave half a canoe poking out of the trap again) Breathe deeply, relax, and game on! Try not to think of your mates' faces if they could see you biting the pillow, it makes the going tough. Relaaaax.

At the very least you can get her to prod your walnut when she's beating your meat. Provided she hasn't got nails like Freddy fucking Krueger, the added stimulation will help you fling your muck much higher than usual.
(Note. Do not get her to do this if she is giving you a sly 5-knuckle shuffle on the back seat of the bus. Trust me, the people in the seat in front will NOT believe you are a Medium, nor that it is ectoplasm from a passing Red Indian Spirit Guide. A court case will follow. Three guesses how I know this........)

So, go my friend, explore the Dirtbox of Delights, then come back and report to us. Of course, if you are a repressed homosexual*, scared of going on a chocolate rampage, or just simply blinkered sexually (and not in a kinky gimp-mask way either), feel free to ignore me. Just don't be surprised if one day when you are staring at Cyclops whilst 69ing the old gal, it doesn't pucker up and blow you a nice warm kiss. It'll be her revenge for you being a prude.

Rsmacker, relationship therapist and sexual adventurer.

*Not that there is anything wrong with being a homosexual, it's just not up my (Bourneville) Boulevard thank you very much.

[RacerX]

"But I poop from there!"

[fett]

And you poop from here.:ROTF: How did my thread come to this? I just thought it was funny that I could bark an order from inside my trailer and the "Barking Girl" actually heard it and knocked it off.

[shobet]

What did she knock off?