My Band is Disintegrating.......

[boogie1]

Well, here we go again. After another year of hard work, this band has just begun to build a name. We are on the verge of getting better paying and higher profile gigs and classier clubs. We joined Gigmasters online and are starting to get hits for better gig prospects.

Problem is, our lead singer / rythym guitar is going thru heavy marital woes,very likely headed for divorce. He is a shadow of his usual self, and his heart is clearly not into it. He is not practicing or working on new songs. He doesn't want to quit the band and we definitely don't want to lose him. But I'm hesitant to book gigs if we aren't going to give our all. On top of that, he and the bassist have stated they only want to gig once a month and have one practice a month. To me, that's a pure recipe for sounding like dog-poo.

I can't see me doing another ground up startup project- took 6 months to find these guys and I think it took ten years off my life in the process! I'm considering letting it be what it is and maybe finding some fill in work with another band, but that's a ridiculously hard situation to find. I'm also toying with the idea of just joining an established band, learning their setlist, wheeling my stuff in, playing,and going home. It sure sounds better than hustling gigs, printing and hanging flyers, confiming gigs, moving PA gear, and all the rest of the things I do now. But then I'm at the mercy of playing some other bands' Mustang Sally and Sweet Home Brown Eyed Freebird setlist. Hmmmmmmmm.

What to do?

[dironifish]

Well, heed a little advice from an old fart. Don't do what I did. I got all pissed off and sold all my shit, and didn't even look at a guitar for two years. I happen to go into a bar one night that had a band and they completly sucked. Before I even left the bar I was on the phone with a drummer setting things back up again, and had to go out and buy all my shit again. Bands go through this crap, it's all politics. Stick with it and it will work it's way out. I'm 51 years old and still gigging at least 3 weekends a month.

[thetroy]

You got further than I have gotten thus far. I have a hard time getting anyone to even return phone calls sometimes let alone practice and write songs

[scotty]

Being in a band is harder than a relationship with a girl. All the members want different things but yet the same out come at the end. The guys I am jamming with right now are the sames guys I started with almost 20 yrs ago. We all went are own ways and did our own things but we are back together again. We still have our disagreements, will still have our personal life's and as we have gotten older we have new things to deal with. But we are brothers and we will always have each others backs. We have mowed each others lawns for Christ sake!

Be a friend to a friend who needs a friend. Whats the worst that could happen?

[lerxstcat]

Yeah, bear with the guys for right now. Losing a marriage is more profound than you wanting to play out more, no offense. If things don't improve further down the line, then think about other options. But if you're cutthroat about things like this, people will be cutthroat with you when you're the one that's down. Follow the Golden Rule, because there will always be somthing going on in someone's life that complicates things.

Other than that, I hope things clear up for your buds soon so they want to play more.

[Newc]

If you're trying for the Rock And Roll success story, you won't get it by gigging once a month and practicing less.

If they don't want it, but you want it, ditch them to pursue your dream and don't waste your time trying to make someone else happy. It doesn't matter if you catch that dream, so long as you chase it rather than watch it die just because you didn't want to make waves.

[demeyes]

My band nearly fell apart. We have a core of 2 guitar players and a drummer. We've been through a few bassists and a couple of singers. We've easily wasted a year and a half looking for and training in new singers, I felt like it was going nowhere. We spent the last 2 summers without gigging because of the singing problem. We stuck with it and kept playing together at weekends and now have a full line up and are gigging again.
Being in a band is never as easy as it looks but in the end its totally worth it. I suggest you stick with it. Try and get the boys to agree to another gig or 2 a month and try to ride through the trouble. Once the singer is done with his troubles you can see if he'll be worth keeping.

[dmtnt]

Sorry to hear it.

I spent almost a year putting together a great band, drummer turned out to be a real prick so we kicked him out. Bass player was friends with him for 20 years so he left too, now we're back at square one.

[thetroy]

The other option is learn how to sing yourself - that's what I'm trying to learn these days

[Shawn Lutz]

it doesnt sound like you guys are all wanting the same things out of the band and thats not good. You get out of something what you put into it and one practice/one gig a month isn't a show of dedication if ya ask me. You guys may have bigger issues than just the singer going through personal hell.

I also think you should cut the singer some slack...divorce can be brutal, put yourself in his shoes...would you be all gung-ho for the band if your personal life was in shambles? If hte guy has talent and vocal talent is hard to find thne I would wait it out as his problems will diminish and he'll be back to normal