The President's monkey

[Snoogans]

Just before the President retired he went on a world farewell tour, during which he received many gifts. One of them was a small monkey that once slapped on the back of the head would proceed to give a blow job.

He was sitting in the Cabinet room on one of his last days with the monkey sitting on the table when a Senator came in. He asked the President what the monkey was for. The President explained and then he slapped the monkey on the back of the head, it went below the table and promptly performed. After a few minutes the monkey returned to the top of the Cabinet table.

"Would you like a go?" the President asked.

"Thank you Mr President, but please don't hit me so hard on the head."

[VitaminG]

[Cygnus X1]

Very old joke. Applicable in many different situations.
Another old one I heard again today:

A recent retiree started coming into the local pub, and each time he
would order three Guinness pints at a time. He would drink the three,
and then leave. After a few nights, the bartender suggested that he
should just order one, then drink one, as the beer would taste better if served that way. The man explained, "Well, when I moved here, I promised my two buddies that I would remember them each time I went to the pub, and order three at a time, just like the way we used to do."
"Ok, I understand," said the bartender, and let it be.
After several months of this, the man came in and asked for just two of the drafts. After serving them, the bartender gently asked "Gee, sorry to see the bad news...did one of your old friends pass away?"
The man laughed and said, "Oh, no, I've decided to quit drinking!"

[toejam]

LOL Both of those are pretty funny! :ROTF:

[Wylde06]

the first is new to me, heard the second one before...both are funny

[Super_shredder]

Very old joke. Applicable in many different situations.
Another old one I heard again today:

A recent retiree started coming into the local pub, and each time he
would order three Guinness pints at a time. He would drink the three,
and then leave. After a few nights, the bartender suggested that he
should just order one, then drink one, as the beer would taste better if served that way. The man explained, "Well, when I moved here, I promised my two buddies that I would remember them each time I went to the pub, and order three at a time, just like the way we used to do."
"Ok, I understand," said the bartender, and let it be.
After several months of this, the man came in and asked for just two of the drafts. After serving them, the bartender gently asked "Gee, sorry to see the bad news...did one of your old friends pass away?"
The man laughed and said, "Oh, no, I've decided to quit drinking!"

ive always heard thatas an irish guy hence the guinness

[hippietim]

based on the title i was expecting this thread to be about cheney...

[Cygnus X1]

based on the title i was expecting this thread to be about cheney...

It's an old "suck up to the boss" joke. Just plug in the name of the office, or whatever, suckup, and it fits.

I don't think Cheney fits that description. Love him or hate him, he's his own guy. And he has the birdshot to prove it.:ROTF: