Ledger was full of drugs

[atomic charvel guy]

??????????????

Skorbster- the black page test was a piece of music that had so many notes on it and was so hard to play that there was more black on the paper than white. You had to be able to sight read and play it perfectly . Vai nailed it.

[atomic charvel guy]

Gwar,
You've got youth on your side. Wait till you've done what you've done to yourself close to 30 years. You're in the drivers seat dude.

[GWARGHOUL]

I don't want to for 30 years!

[Bengal]

Wow...

This really made me think of my own mortality..
I'm an addict- a semi recovering addict, honestly, I binge out about every 6-8 months max. Its a cycle I'm having trouble beating. Usually heroin.

I'm on some prescriptions that I abuse semi-frequently too.
Its not uncommon for me to take a large dose of Klonopin (60mg once- an entire bottle), a small handfull of ambiens (6 or 7), and a small handfull of 10mg percocets and/or 20mg Oxycontins...I've done this cocktail at least once every 2 months when I get refills (and wow, the pathetic stories I've told the doc about non-existant roomates that steal my pills so I can get another refill.) I've even mixed the scripts after doing a few buttons of heroin...

I'm not proud of this, and I have no idea why I'm posting this here- but I gotta vent. I've had death on my mind a lot lately...
I'm still here, and conscious of the effects of my actions...
I'm trying to end the cycle, honestly... which is why the cycle gets longer intrevals every time...

But I still wonder if I'll end up dead in my late 30's or early 40's clean as a whistle, happy, family etc because of the stupid shit I've done to myself in the last 4 or 5 years.

Wow. I have much respect for you just saying that stuff. That takes balls my friend...

As for breaking the cycle, it seems like you are on your way to doing that. Just admitting it is a big step. Maybe the biggest. So you have already started...

Damage can always be "un-done" to an extent. I wouldn't worry about the long term effects if I were you...

I won't pretend to be able to give you any advice about what you need to do. I will say that I'm sure there are people in your area that could help you should you choose to seek them out. But that's your choice...

[Jacksonchick]

I think it's wild how the famous want to get to the top, but when they do they can't handle it. Then abuse the drugs and drink. Whats up with that?

[GWARGHOUL]

I was on meth for the better part of 3 years, 1 year intravaneous use...
I did the rehab thing, and the N.A. thing... the NA community out here sucks.

But I have conquered that one. I hate that stuff. But opiates and downers...
Life is so stressfull...

[Bengal]

I was on meth for the better part of 3 years, 1 year intravaneous use...
I did the rehab thing, and the N.A. thing... the NA community out here sucks.

But I have conquered that one. I hate that stuff. But opiates and downers...
Life is so stressfull...

AA/NA can be a bit of a handfull. But I think they are on track as far as what they are doing, if it works for you that is. I always find stuff to be more helpful if I modify it to fit my purpose. Not to totally re-work what they are doing but ad something here and there to make it more personal and easier to work with. That works for just about anything. We are all individuals and saying that X will work for everyone is not realistic...

[Bengal]

I think it's wild how the famous want to get to the top, but when they do they can't handle it. Then abuse the drugs and drink. Whats up with that?

I think the pressure has something to do with it. Pressure put on you by your "fans" and management but also the pressure put on yourself thats the real bitch...

[atomic charvel guy]

Gwar,
you missed my point, I meant 4-5 yers is really not too big a deal especially with your age. It's good wanting to stop, but when you do stop you have to really want it for yourself, not because your girl is going to leave you, or your band won't put up with it, etc. YOU have to want it, or it won't happen, take it from a ,let's see, gotta be at least a dozen times of trying to stop, 7 months being my longest, and when i fell the earth shook. You have to want to stop, or don't waste the time, and I wish you nothing but the best.

[Jacksonchick]

I was on meth for the better part of 3 years, 1 year intravaneous use...
I did the rehab thing, and the N.A. thing... the NA community out here sucks.

But I have conquered that one. I hate that stuff. But opiates and downers...
Life is so stressfull...

I understand what you mean about life, it is for all of us. But we have to maintain and keep going. Life really is worth living. I don't know whats on the other side. My dad always told us that one thing is certain, when you die your dead a hell of a long time. I tend to live by that. Good luck on your quest and may for find what your looking for at the end of your rainbow. Big hugs to you.

[Bandersnatch]

Maybe. Though, I saw one movie of Frank's that looked like it was just a bad acid trip, I couldn't figure out what the hell he and his band were doing... and I've never done acid! :ROTF:

Was it Baby Snakes by any chance??

[fett]

I think the pressure has something to do with it. Pressure put on you by your "fans" and management but also the pressure put on yourself thats the real bitch...

I think it's more of a; "I made it to the top. I broke my ass getting here. And now that I am here, what do I do now?" The rise to fame is all consuming. These people shot their wad getting there. There has to be a gigantic let down. Sir Edmund Hillary (sp) was asked what he thought about when hit the Everest Summit. He said something to the effect; "All I want to do is get the fuck down." I think there is a thought there. I'm a flatlander.:ROTF:

[Bengal]

I think it's more of a; "I made it to the top. I broke my ass getting here. And now that I am here, what do I do now?" The rise to fame is all consuming. These people shot their wad getting there. There has to be a gigantic let down. Sir Edmund Hillary (sp) was asked what he thought about when hit the Everest Summit. He said something to the effect; "All I want to do is get the fuck down." I think there is a thought there. I'm a flatlander.:ROTF:

Maybe for some but not the ones I know/heard about/read about. It's more of a "Holy shit, how did I make that album/movie/whatever? How am I going to do it again? How can I get better?" That's the pressure I've seen and heard about. Not about being let down, although that is part of the "business". Fame is not all it's cracked up to be. Ask guys like Cobain. He was one of those. But I think a lot of "stars" go nuts trying to catch lightning in a bottle twice...

EDIT: Another problem is the people who feel they are not worthy of the "fame" they have. That's a whole different thing...

Could be a combo of the 3 here. Who knows...

[fett]

All of the above. It's a strange breed.

[Bengal]

No doubt...