Advice column questions

[MikeStrat]

Dear Ben, I'm a single 40-year-old man who is dating a very attractive 25-year-old woman. We both wear contact lenses, which we take out before we go to bed at night.

The problem is, when we become intimate, we can barely see each other -- even with the lights on. We want to know what each other looks like when we're making love. Any suggestions? Signed: Blind & Horny

[Ben...]

I'm not so sure that's school appropriate.

[MikeStrat]

Come on Ben. Do you want an A? Get creative. It's made up anyway.

[bibz]

Without contacts, you might be gettin' the A if you know what I mean

[Newc]

dr. ben,

i am a christian and divorced. i recently met this AWESOME christian girl that i am quite crazy for. she and i have hit it of wonderfully and things have been going in a very promising direction. she is crazy about me and believes that God may brought us together. i feel the same. my family is very accepting of her, despite that she is a bit younger than me. i am 35, she is 26. no big deal, really.

well, her family is NOT so accepting of me. her brother told her that if i make her happy, then he's happy for her. her parents said that i seem like a wonderful guy, but not for her. they do not believe that divorced people and unmarried people should be together based on some scripture in the book of matthew.

this morning, out of the blue, she broke things off with me based on what her parents said. i was blind sided!!! i am quite crushed to say the least. she wrote it to me instead of calling me because (in her words) "if i called you i know i'd change my mind." she also told me that she thinks i am a great guy and that she doubts she'll find another guy like me. she'd like to stay friends because she can't imagine me NOT in her life at all.

the thing that diappoints me the most, is that this kind of thing keeps happening to me. i am always a "great guy" and she always wants me to be her friend. i am looking to get remarried, NOT score on random chicks - so this sort of reccurring "rejection" is starting to hit me pretty hard.

i'd appreciate some thoughtful advice and not anything that ridicules me for decisions i have made.

thanks!!

BTW - this is real and true...as of today.

That depends on the circumstances of the divorce. The scripture in question states that if the divorce is because of the woman's infidelity, then all men should shun her, yet the man is free to remarry.

However, it is between you, her, and God, not her parents. She is of the age of consent according to God's word, and while her parents may have her best spiritual interests at heart, the choice is strictly hers. WHatever consequences arise are hers alone to bear, and whatever "punishment" there is to be meted out shall be at the sole discretion of God himself, not her parents.

Inform the 3 of them of this fact as soon as possible.

[Newc]

Here's one for "Uncle Ben"

This is a message I received from a gaming buddy via Xbox Live (he asked if I was good at giving advice, I said it depends on who you ask )

"I've been dating this girl and saw her hugging another guy, but she never hugs me."

That's all the details he gave. I replied asking if the guy was her ex, her brother, or a longtime friend, and stated that girls hug their friends and place no emotional relevance on it, whereas guys see hugging as committment. Then I told him that some girls see hugging their boyfriend as being receptive to sexual advances, and she may not be at that stage. I also suggested that he give her a hug and see what her response was - if she pushed him away, ask if there's a problem (in a calm manner, of course). If she says there's no problem, then I said to ask her to clarify their relationship - dating or "just friends" - as well as mentioning the other guy.

What does Wise Old Ben say?

[Rsmacker]

Never mind Wise Old Ben, Wiser Old Rsmacker says: try hugging her when you haven't got a boner, she won't feel like you are sticking a Magnum into her stomach then. (Or a Derringer, take your pick )

In fact, the answer to all these problems seems to be, to me :

Stick your finger up her dirtbox, pull it out, sniff it, and say "Hmmmmmm, that's about done, I'll give it another 2 minutes to brown off". Try it. I think you'll find I'm right.

[phill_up]

She is of the age of consent according to God's word, and while her parents may have her best spiritual interests at heart, the choice is strictly hers. WHatever consequences arise are hers alone to bear

+1
That's not her parents talking that's her. people surprise their parents everyday with homosexual, lesbian and interracial relationships. Parents usually give in for the sake of their children's happiness. What would they do cast her away?

[phill_up]

ben!

[horns666]

+1
That's not her parents talking that's her. people surprise their parents everyday with homosexual, lesbian and interracial relationships. Parents usually give in for the sake of their children's happiness. What would they do cast her away?

She's using her parents alleged "discontent" as an out. Sure, they'll play along with ever she says..but she's making this call for whatever reasons...trust me!

pretty typical really..a girl that plays games...wow, what a newsflash.

[Newc]

Now now, some people are so over-bearing and over-protective of their kids that they'll talk them into or out of anything, even if it makes the child unhappy.

Some parents are too selfish with their children and so egomaniacal that they refuse to acknowledge their child is an adult. Admitting your child is an adult means admitting you're older than you want to admit.

Sounds to me like the parents are scared of letting go of "their baby girl". No one will ever be "good enough" as far as the parents are concerned.

It's a common disorder, particularly if there was some childhood issue that caused them to fear they'd lose her (bad accident, long hospital stay for potentially fatal illness, etc).

People just gotta learn they can let go without giving someone up to the four winds.

[Ben...]

ben!

Yes?

I've been super busy. I've been working on this and the other components of my assignment along with a Biology project, as well as studying for 2 tests. I'll post some stuff ASAP. Oh, and my answer to your question relating to God may not help you too much. See, I'm not exactly religious in any way other than I quite enjoy Christmas. My answer to your question was saying that God was created sometime after the Big Bang and after humans gained enough thought processing power that they could think about how things were created. It's a lot more detailed than that but I'm really busy right now so I can't really answer. I did actually answer RSmacker's question though I had to make it a little more school appropriate. My goal was actually to give serious answers even if it's a goofy question because my friend is also doing one of these Q&A things but his is serious questions with joke answers. Some of the answers are kinda funny on mine though. I'll post more soon.

[phill_up]

dont forget you have to put some guitar practice in there somewhere

[Ben...]

dont forget you have to put some guitar practice in there somewhere

Oh, no kidding. I've been struggling doing that too. I seem to get all my homework when I get a cool song for guitar. We're currently doing the start of"Miles of Machines" by Jeff Loomis. I've only got it to about half speed (Which is an accomplishment in itself) but I usually practice about 1/2 to 1 hour a day. I've been lucky to get 10 minutes of practice in lately. Only 2 weeks until Christmas Holidays so I can catch up then.