Strong drink for a middle aged woman?

[hippietim]

If you're gonna go sweet, why not use Shnapps? The crack of alcohol-lol

Schnapps are usually pretty harsh and people will very often be picky about which one they'll drink. Nobody turns down Godiva

[Endrik]

Tim, is Godiva like an eggnog on steroids?

[GodOfRhythm]

Tim, is Godiva like an eggnog on steroids?

Could also use Baileys, which is more known in Europe.

Or serve up white russians: vodka, kahlua and some cream, make sure she doesn't know about the vodka.

[horns666]

Even >I< am learning alot in this thread. I'm very impressed so far. I also want to meet GOR's mom's circle of friends and I think I would let Tim seduce me with a white chocolate liquor.

Spiv, I've been hibernating and sulking while listening to Emo!

Tommy already has my back..in the most gayest ways you can possibly imagine. But, that's OK..

Also eagerly awaiting Rsmaker's input..which also sounds very gay. But, that's also OK!

[GodOfRhythm]

[quote=horns666;1197636]s and I think I would let Tim seduce me with a white chocolate liquor. /quote]


NEED PICS NOW!

[ABSOLUT CHARVEL]

i said Tequila, you may not change her mind, but greatly increased to odds for butt sex

[hippietim]

Even >I< am learning alot in this thread. I'm very impressed so far. I also want to meet GOR's mom's circle of friends and I think I would let Tim seduce me with a white chocolate liquor.

Oh shit. :ROTF::ROTF::ROTF::ROTF:

[missionguitars1]

I vote 2 bottles white wine, chilled - implies they are to be drunk at the time of arrival, and as long as it's not Charles Shaw , adds a touch of class and is a better ice breaker than a jug of Long Island Ice Teas...

[Newc]

Why not try civilized conversation first? She may just be a man-hater if she truly did used to beat on her ex-husband.

Be up-front and honest about your friend. Tell her what you know of him. She may perceive his "mental wandering" as being a stoner, but if it's A.D.D. or simply hidden genius, where's the harm in telling her without the booze?

Or are you simply looking to plow the field here regardless of her disposition towards your friend?

In any event, perhaps the daughter should work her way through college? That way she can do what she wants and quickly accept the fact that if she wants anything in life she'll be better off doing it for herself. That way she doesn't owe anyone anything, and no one can use it as leverage against her.

[Endrik]

well everything turned out fine, I went there last night and she was in a good mood and there was no need for heavy artillery which was hidden in my jacket although I opened a nice bottle of Alsace wine just in case.

[Rsmacker]

I gotta say that this thread is incomplete without rsmacker's suggestions

Fear not my friends, I have returned!

OOOOOOOooooooooookkkkkkkkkkk, so, you obviously have considered the fact that getting a complete nutcase pissed out of her skull might not be the cleverest thing in the world, but I understand, really I do. I know that when your head says "NO" but your balls say "GO", there's only one thing to do - keep your running shoes on at all times.

Firstly, you must try a bit of gentle flirting, the odd stolen glance at her funbags. FFS ignore GOR, if you know even know what a jam-rag is, that means you are at a disadvantage. Apart from the fact you can't trust anything that bleeds for a week but doesn't die, the Clout is a sacred thing, a haven of velvety niceness, something to be worshipped. And licked. With your pinkie up her dirtbox.

Whoa, but we're jumping ahead, back to the plan. So, a little flirting, topping up her glass with anything alcoholic. There's the crux of it, middle-aged women drink any old piss, so long as some other daft twat is buying it.
The odd suggestive joke (not the one about the dwarf with the snooker ball up his arse), tell her you prefer sensible mature women, not firm tight athletic girls your own age. No, tell her you like REAL women, with flab, cellulite and bristly legs. Women who fart in bed and hold your head under the covers, women who keep their teeth in a glass by the bed, women who are thankful for a good arse-balling, it might be the last one they ever get. Women who tuck their tits into their socks, women you HAVE to fuck with the lights off in case you catch a glimpse and are mentally scarred forever, women with a clout like a rip in a bus seat.

Then go for a piss. Make sure you have light jeans on, pray some down the front and leave the fly open. She may not notice, her eyesight might have started to deteriorate sometime around VE day, but she'll get a whiff of those pheremones and BAM, she will soon start fizzing. When it starts to snaffle the top of her leg, (maybe you'll hear it singing "Feed me! Feed me now!") you must back off. I know, I know, glasshopper, it will be difficult, but you must try to appear innocent and a little scared by this strange woman. Trust me, she will throw herself at you even more, especially if you sabotage her walking frame.

I find that asking what she did in the war is good conversation, then casually ask if she ever sucked off any GIs in exchange for chocolate. At that moment, accidentally drop a large bar of Fruit and Nut on the floor. She will have a wide-on of Doom by now, and bits of furniture in the room may be shaking as if gripped by a mysterious tractor beam.

For the coup-de-grace, give her your best James Bond smile (Sean Connery, not anyone young) and reach behind the couch for the killer ingredient. Lean forward and cheekily nod at her glass, delivering THE line, the phrase that pays:

"Would you like another Cunt Buster?"

She will go off like a rocket, you will be the Daddy, and she will be your erm, Bitch-granny or something. Take it slow at first, use plenty of lube, not just spit. Despite the fact she may well have had most of her "lady bits" removed in some horrific gynae clinic, if you go for the deep hard bang straight away, you might dislodge bits of her innards. It's a bit like bouncing a trolley down a long corridor - in an old house bits flake off, that's the way it is. So unless you want to be picking fibrous tissue wall out of your teeth for the next week, let her settle in before giving the Ron Jeremy pile-driver. Bottoming-out is no fun, there may be some old barbed wire up there from the days Hitler and his Boche horde were poised to come and rape our women-folk. Make it nice and slow, she might have a dementia episode half-way through and forget where she is and what she is doing. Seeing your gurning, sweating fizzog leering down at her as you reach the vinegar strokes might terrify her, and you don't want that.

Anyway, best of luck, hope you get inside her massive grey granny pants.
Show us the pictures.

[Endrik]

thank you, you didn't let me down mate

[Spivonious]

<best post ever>