Am I old fashioned?

[scotty]

My girlfriend has made a few bad decisions in the two years we have been seeing each other. But Tuesday night was a dozy. Even though this does not affect me directly it is really bothering me.
She called me after 9pm to tell me how her day was going. Apparently her 11 year old daughter wanted to go to a birthday party at the movies. (I have never heard of this) So she took her daughter and the neighbor’s girl (the same age) to the movies at 9. They get to the movies and met the boy’s parents. The parents go their separate ways and leave the 3 kids at the theater. The movie doesn’t even start till 10.
I am 46 and never been a parent and I don’t think I should tell anybody how to raise a child. So just decide to just listen. She seemed uncomfortable about the situation. I remind her that her daughter wanted to go on a movie date about a month ago and that I think she got tricked. Besides no child should be going out at 9 if anything they should be home and getting ready for bed.
She tells me she was going to go take care of the situation and that she would call me later. I txt her and called her once to check on the situation. I never got hold of her. She called me about 12:45 telling me she had just got home. She proceeded to tell me about her night. She said she picked up her neighbor and the two moms went to Chili’s to have drinks while their daughters were at the movies and the boys parents dropped the girls off there. After that they took the girls to McDonalds to get some food.
After hearing this story I tried but could not keep my mouth shut. Am I old fashioned or did she make a whole bunch of really bad decisions? I don’t why I am so upset with her, it not my kid but it just seemed that she had no capability to make commonsense choices. I am not sure I should even me involved with her. Am I over reacting?

[rjohnstone]

No 11 year old girl should be out at that hour, let alone be left unsupervised with boys in a dark movie theater.
I would have ripped her a new one over that decision.
Yes, I have a daughter and no, she will NEVER be allowed to do that as long as I'm alive.
If that's "old fashioned" then so be it. When she turns 18, she can do what ever she wants. Until then, it's my house, my rules.

[SEEGERMANY]

No, you're not overreacting. With all due respect, she's loopy.

[SEEGERMANY]

I knew that if Rick responded to this thread, that would be his response. Damn, it's SO refreshing to see parent's that aren't afraid to be parents!

[Cleveland Metal]

No, you're not old fashioned, unless that means having some common sense.

An 11 yr old girl does not need to be left at some theatre at that time of night (or anytime for that matter) alone. Kids get snatched up and molested at Chucky Cheeses etc with parents right THERE... I guarded my kid like a loon. And he was boy. If I had a lil' girl, she'd probably hate me.

Drinking with your friends and picking your and/or someone else's kid up is pretty irresponsible as well. I raised my kid since he was 2 by myself. And was seriously against doing that. I might have had a drink or two and drove home with him on an occassion... Maybe... But, I really can't recall doing that...

Nonetheless... I'm with you 100%. But most people don't see it and will think you're too guarded. Remember tho, most people are assholes. And they're the part of the population most likely to be on the news when their kid is missing or Law Enforcement finds their kids body somewhere.

Hard to work with that stuff in relationships when you aren't the dad. Cost me quite a few squeezes over the years when I realized my female was an idiot. Not saying yours is, just generalizing.

[Dred]

Well, I'm no parent, and in no way a "grown adult" - yet.

What I can say, is that by the age of 12, I'd come back home at around 2-2:30. 3 on a good day. Those would be my days off, but still, I wasn't that old, and I'd have to cross the entire town through some shady areas.
On fridays, I'd leave the house at maybe 7:50 or so, and only come back at 1:30 while in 7th grade. Keeping in mind, I was older than them, days off, more than able to take care of myself coming from that town, and the place itself wasn't dangerous in my opinion (then at least. I'd think twice about having such strolls on my own nowadays).

This was one of those one-off days, and it's a public area with numerous people. I wouldn't say there's much to worry about the kids dissapearing or wandering off. Kidnapping is always an issue, but it may not be on a tuesday.

Depending on what type of area you live in, and what type of the movies place that was, I'd react different. From what I gather, I'd say that while you weren't completely over reacting, you were worrying healthily. I've a few stories like that as well, it's normal.

Now, that's about as concise (and likely quite incoherent) as I can get, as I have to run now. but I'll pick up where I left off in a short while.
No I don't thin you're old fashioned, nor you over reacted, and it shouldn't bother you that much!

[Endrik]

what others think if she's right or wrong doesn't really matter... why don't you just tell her what YOU feel about this situation... doesn't all the relationship go to shitter when folks start to hide their feelings and whatnot?

[Cleveland Metal]

I think he's just checking himself. And that's a good thing.

As for Dred... I don't even wanna respond to that one... Ugh...

"I" lived on my own at 16, so I can't say much I guess. But I'd kill my kid had he tried that crap. haha... If my kid walked in after 11 before he was 16, he's be hung, and that wouldn't happen anyways as I'd make sure of that. He didn't get to stay out till 2 till he was 18, or supervised. Somehow, that kid turned out amazingly good. I'm glad I "harshed his funtime".

[Endrik]

What I can say, is that by the age of 12, I'd come back home at around 2-2:30. 3 on a good day. Those would be my days off, but still, I wasn't that old, and I'd have to cross the entire town through some shady areas.
On fridays, I'd leave the house at maybe 7:50 or so, and only come back at 1:30 while in 7th grade. Keeping in mind, I was older than them, days off, more than able to take care of myself coming from that town, and the place itself wasn't dangerous in my opinion (then at least. I'd think twice about having such strolls on my own nowadays).

This was one of those one-off days, and it's a public area with numerous people. I wouldn't say there's much to worry about the kids dissapearing or wandering off. Kidnapping is always an issue, but it may not be on a tuesday.

Depending on what type of area you live in, and what type of the movies place that was, I'd react different. From what I gather, I'd say that while you weren't completely over reacting, you were worrying healthily. I've a few stories like that as well, it's normal.

I can relate to that... I had some of the best time in life and there was no worrying about kidnappers or that sort of crooks although I lived in tougher area. People were more scared of me and my fellow "gang" mates :ROTF: well not really but we were bunch of headaching rascals who were utterly bored. But if it had been some violent inner city hood full of pervs then I doubt we would have had the chance to sneak outside.

[SEEGERMANY]

I was pretty damned strict with my son and even though he slipped up a few times, he turned out pretty good! However, no matter how strict you are, they are going to find a way around the rules just as we did. The only difference, kids today brag about it.

A few years ago, my son was bragging on his Myspace page about how he pulled a fast one on Old Pops. He was supposed to be spending the night with a friend after attending a football game. Instead, he bragged about how him and several other kids hauled ass to Dallas to see a concert. I suppose he never thought about Dear Old Dad knowing how to use the computer, so imagine his surprise when he asked for $500 to have some transmission work done on his truck and I inquired about his "road trip" to Dallas!

[Cleveland Metal]

Hehehe.... Nice...

[guitarsjb]

No you aren't old fashioned. Yep, she made a bunch of bad decisions. You should tell her how you feel.

Oh, and you should never use that font at that size again. I have a headache now.

[shreddermon]

NFW I'd let one of my daughters do that at that age. Absolutely not. It's freakin' irresponsible. You should tell her your opinion. But, at the end of the day, it is her kid and her responsibility. So once your piece is said, you should let it go.

[jdr94]

if you're old fashioned then i guess i am too.

[Ben...]

I guess I'm old fashioned and I'm not even old. That situation is ridiculous.