Am I heartless?

[eakinj]

Alright, As some people on here know, I am a care provided for my mom who has cancer. As far as I am concern her medical stuff are my priority.

Ok. Now I have a brother who is a gutter gut and drunk. I'll give some examples before I get into if I'm heartless or now.

He came to live with us after some issues, he would get drunk and go on about how "mom is taking all my money" (Because she charged him rent to be there.) Excuse to drink. He would go on about not hearing from his kids (while drunk) as an excuse to drink.

When my aunt got a tumor in her brain stem and came to live the last couple weeks of her life with us he helped some. When she died the first thing he did was go grab one of her prescriptions and take it. If you ever saw that episode of the simpsons where Mr. burns was sleep walking and peope thought he was an alien (big eyes etc) that's how my idiot brother looked.

He had a job driving a truck, decided he wanted to go on a drunk and didn't bother to call in a a week. that drunk went on for two months straight.

You get the point.

He's always pushed the fact that he's going to get drunk in our faces. And i don't mean social drunk, I mean sit in the garage and drink a bottle of vodka - scream at the tv, but the walls...

He's been on a drunk the last couple weeks and called my nephew and told him to "Get ready for his dads funeral" which is a really nice thing to call you kid and say during a drunk.

Typical stuff actually.

I just got home and my mom tells me he got a prescription for vicodin or something and no one has heard from him since. She's thinking he may have killed himself.


I'm just wondering, if after years and years of this if it's heartless for me to just simply not care? i mean the suggestion of his possible suicide... it's just not the first time people have thought it. Is it heartless that he's "pulled those strings" so many times that I just have no feeling about it?


(The above is such a small sample it's not even a scratch on the surface of what he's pulled)

I had hoped when he moved out that it would be the last i'd have to deal with his stuff...

[JACKSONFREAK]

Well kudos for takin care of mom. I was doin that myself until she recently passed. Its a very selfless act and its not easy. Now as far as your bro goes. He's obviously got some issues. He needs AA not a prescrip for vicadin. He also needs a psych eval to see why hes doing it. No youre not beeing hearltess. Hes the sheep that cried wolf one too many times. Lets just hope and pray he hasnt done himself in. I'm sure yo feel something. but mom is your main priority as it should be. The secondary is just that. Secondary. tell him to wake the fuck up and see what hes doing and seek help. He needs detox now.
Gil

[drockilles]

Oh, where to start. I woudn't say you're heartless. It's a wicked tough situation. I was married to an addict that sounds very similar to your bro.
There comes a point where not matter what you try and do, all attempts are in vain. My ex did a similar thing to your brother, stealing pain killers from my mom who really needed them.
It's a pretty intense subject to just say yay or nay online, but if I were you, I'd sit on what's happened for a couple days, and maybe bring him aside with some other family members and let him know how his issues are affecting all of you (yes, kind of like intervention). I wouldn't jump to conclusions yet that he's dead, which is why I'm saying this.
My ex was an extreme addict, and at times I didn't know what the fuck was going on with her. Too many mornings calling the hospitals, police stations, seeing if I could find her hopefully locked up, or petrified I'd have to ID her body.
Bottom line brother, if your brother is not dead, get him help no matter what. It's hard to help the helpless, I know, but blood is thicker than water. Best of luck to you.

[AK47]

I had a similar situation but my brother got it together got married had a kid and bought a house. After all the shit he put me through I view any relationship with him as a liability. I even told my parents once they are gone I wont stay in touch with my brother any more the only time I see him now is if he shows up around my parents place and I do my best to stay out of his way.

I get told by everyone I am heartless regarding this situation with my brother but I am the go to guy if someone is in trouble or wants something.

[horns666]

No, you're not heartless, you're human..and a good one at that.

I also have a piece of shit for a brother. Sure..I love him, but he's still a piece of shit. He's an oppurtunist parasite that will fuck over ANYONE, including his family. But not me..because we both know I'll NEVER give him that opurtunity, no matter how bad or desperate he makes his life become. My sister took him in last year (against my advice) and he fucked her out of 15 thousand dollars in a week. She's married with two kids, and that has put alot of pressure on her already strained marriage.

So, ..if that makes me heartless...so be it.

[Venomboy]

Well, since it's a very recent event (him maybe being dead) I don't think your feelings at the moment are written in stone nor should you be judged for them. Sounds like he needs help but isn't willing to be helped.

You have every right to be angry at him and frustrated and not want to deal with him. That's not heartless, that's just feelings based on situations he's put you through.

If you didn't care about anyone in the world, then sure, maybe you're heartless. If you're done with somebody, that's not heartless, that's just moving on with your life.

[missionguitars1]

No, you're not heartless, you're human..and a good one at that.

I also have a piece of shit for a brother. Sure..I love him, but he's still a piece of shit. He's an oppurtunist parasite that will fuck over ANYONE, including his family. But not me..because we both know I'll NEVER give him that opurtunity, no matter how bad or desperate he makes his life become. My sister took him in last year (against my advice) and he fucked her out of 15 thousand dollars in a week. She's married with two kids, and that has put alot of pressure on her already strained marriage.

So, ..if that makes me heartless...so be it.

+1 - my only brother was much the same, a real hustler, but ended up dead at 24 from AIDS (liked his drugs via needles, amongst other things...). Anyway, I could have never taken him in, but I made a point of visiting him when I could when I went up to L.A. The thing was, it f*cking killed me to see the condition he was in, but I KNEW if I allowed him in my house it would have been the end of my marriage - that's how quick he was able to suck people in, rob them blind, and not even give two sh*ts about it...

Why did I keep visiting him? Oddly enough, it's because he was my brother, and well, I still loved him. We tried to get him help, but to no avail - it was too late. Sure, I can point fingers at his "friends", my parents, myself, but it still won't bring him back. There was no way he was going to help himself until he hit rock bottom, which he didn't do until the day he died - too late...

I wish I had a solution to offer, but the main gist of what I'm trying to say is, it's not your fault for seeing him as he is, and being resentful of him. Try your best to get him rehabbed, but like I said, he has to be the one that's ready to go...you've got to be strong and not let him poison your household...as heartless as it sounds, I've been there, and it's not fun...

You've got a lot on your plate, my hat's off to you for taking care of your mom, you don't need another problem making the situation worse!

[Trem]

Man, that really sucks.
I'd get his ass busted for stealing prescriptions, or drinking and driving or something, before he "accidentaly" kills someone else with his stupidity.
A nice stint in jail would give him some time to think about it, how he reacts
to you for doing something like that is no matter, because the it is for his own good.

I wish looking back i had went to my best friends parents about his drinking and driving ect before he died from it, and seriously injured an innocent stranger.

I could live with him hating me for awhile to have him alive.
I feel he would have overcame all of that with a huge kick in the ass, and a wake up call..

All the best for your mom.

[JetFixxxer]

Alright, As some people on here know, I am a care provided for my mom who has cancer. As far as I am concern her medical stuff are my priority.

Ok. Now I have a brother who is a gutter gut and drunk. I'll give some examples before I get into if I'm heartless or now.

He came to live with us after some issues, he would get drunk and go on about how "mom is taking all my money" (Because she charged him rent to be there.) Excuse to drink. He would go on about not hearing from his kids (while drunk) as an excuse to drink.

When my aunt got a tumor in her brain stem and came to live the last couple weeks of her life with us he helped some. When she died the first thing he did was go grab one of her prescriptions and take it. If you ever saw that episode of the simpsons where Mr. burns was sleep walking and peope thought he was an alien (big eyes etc) that's how my idiot brother looked.

He had a job driving a truck, decided he wanted to go on a drunk and didn't bother to call in a a week. that drunk went on for two months straight.

You get the point.

He's always pushed the fact that he's going to get drunk in our faces. And i don't mean social drunk, I mean sit in the garage and drink a bottle of vodka - scream at the tv, but the walls...

He's been on a drunk the last couple weeks and called my nephew and told him to "Get ready for his dads funeral" which is a really nice thing to call you kid and say during a drunk.

Typical stuff actually.

I just got home and my mom tells me he got a prescription for vicodin or something and no one has heard from him since. She's thinking he may have killed himself.


I'm just wondering, if after years and years of this if it's heartless for me to just simply not care? i mean the suggestion of his possible suicide... it's just not the first time people have thought it. Is it heartless that he's "pulled those strings" so many times that I just have no feeling about it?


(The above is such a small sample it's not even a scratch on the surface of what he's pulled)

I had hoped when he moved out that it would be the last i'd have to deal with his stuff...

You're not heartless at all.

[atomic charvel guy]

It's hard for me to give any advice, I'm a vicious drug addict, and I must admit,
I never had any consequences to pay for , and when those consequences finally did appear in another form, it really cleaned me up. I didn't want to in the beginning, and there was fallout a mile wide physically, but I never would have cleaned up if i didn't get in trouble. my crime was related to my job, something i never thought would get me in trouble. (it's a long story) Sometimes trouble can work out well for you, oddly it did for me.
Not that i want your brother in trouble, but they say a person won't get help if he doesn't want help, which was my case, but given a choice between being free and clean vs. high and inside walls, it was a really easy choice for me.
Good luck, you're not heartless at all.

[jacksoncsplayer]

Nope, not heartless at all, addicts and alcoholics exhaust every possible resource before a change comes, and it sounds like he is well on his way to burning every possible bridge available to him. As unfortunate as it is this is a stark reality for most. I have a brother who is a drunk, and the only thing he has left is a girlfriend who's at the end of her rope, then it's out on the streets for him, and the sooner the better. A heartless bastard wouldn't post his concern about it, you my friend have compassion. Let him go, and Take care of your Mom.

[eakinj]

My mom and aunt went to check on him and found him dead today. Apparently he took all 60 vicodin with booze. They'll be doing an autopsy and tox screening, in the mean time we're trying to get ahold of his kids and estranged wife because she'll have to release the body to be buried. It's kind of difficult to hold on to the idea of not caring right now.. mom had the coroner let her see him before they left. it was strange seeing them unzip a bag and my brother being in there. he had a number of sores all over his face.. i don't know how long he was there, he didn't look.. yeah.. anyway.

all i can do is hope he's finally found peace.

[missionguitars1]

Man, you have my sincerest sympathies...having been there, I know it hurts bad.

My prayers and kind thoughts go out to you and your family...stay strong...

[jacksoncsplayer]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as well, i'm terribly sorry to hear that.

[JetFixxxer]

I lost my father the same way. I know on some level what you are going through.. When my father died I didn't shed a tear so you could call me heartless.. He had a choice and he had every opportunity to clean himself up. He loved his drugs more than he loved his family... It's a very sad and painful relief. He also took my uncle out with him..a few years later..