Oh lovely. Rsmacker got the elephant's golden shower. I'd piss on him too
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Originally posted by toejam View PostIt's time to shave the moustache off and start again.
1) Douche your nostrils
2) Shave off your mustache
3) Find a new girlfriend
"POOP"
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I'm stunned, I really am. I refuse to believe that Mr Lawson isn't the deviant round here, I mean, who just happens to have pics of elephant A2M lying around waiting to be posted?
But check this out - the stench is on my fingers! I've scrubbed them several times since in the normal course of the day, had them up someone else's arsehole last night too, been to work etc but now the stench is definitely getting stronger. I can just smell this pungent piss on my hands. It's like the fucking Twilight Zone here, I'm sitting in the gloom sniffing my fingers to find the pissiest bits.
I'm going to the Doc in the morning, as soon as I work out a cover story.
That's the last old slapper I'm shagging.
Till next weekend.So I woke up,rolled over and who was lying next to me? Only Bonnie Langford!
I nearly broke her back
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Originally posted by Rsmacker View PostAlas no, it was my weekly night out to a swingers' club in Birmingham, and the pickings were somewhat thin last night (unlike some of the women. Talk about fucking elephants......)
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Originally posted by elysianfield View PostMy mate at work goes to a club in birmingham with his missus. Probably not the same club and i know she ain't an elephant lol
Don't get me wrong, there's some absolute scorchers that go, some top notch women, stunners, but I have this terrible tendency to go for the low hanging fruit (not to mention the low hanging droopy tits). If there's an old boiler there, I smarm over like Leslie Phillips ("Hel-llo") and before I get my wits back, I'm up to my nuts in guts.
It's a weakness, I know. Rather than trying to puff out my beergut and compete with all the other blokes trying to pull the babes, I become the GILF-Hunter, stalking my prey as it limps round. They love it, a nasty bastard like me giving their dirtbox what for and then frosting the faces. Trust me, some of them look more appealing with my bollock batter all over them.So I woke up,rolled over and who was lying next to me? Only Bonnie Langford!
I nearly broke her back
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Originally posted by VitaminG View PostHave you tried washing your hands in lemon juice? Or disinfectant? Maybe try that industrial hand cleaner you can buy at automotive shops.
And get a nasal douche to clean out your conkSo I woke up,rolled over and who was lying next to me? Only Bonnie Langford!
I nearly broke her back
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