Stinky pussy

[442w30]

Dang, I didn't even know there were this many JCF UK'ers out there. There's like what 15 scot/english/irish members posting in this thread?

Good work RSE, someone has to do thee dirty work!
My votes is wallowing in a warm Lavender bath, sloshing dirty martini's into your face, making sure to wash your entire face with them, but drinking most. Then scrub down with tomato juice and lemon or lime juce.

when you are really sauced, hose off in the shower and go back to the club.

You'll have a different smell tomorrow.

[JACKSONFREAK]

try soaking your fingers in bleach. Or scrubbing them with a pumice soap. Like lava. If they have it across the pond. If not try using that Gunk stuff (if available) that's used for cleaning up after workin on cars etc.. It has a bit of pumice in it and cleans smells and grease etc off excellently.
Gil

[AK47]

I am concerned for the mental health of most members on this board.

[SEEGERMANY]

try soaking your fingers in bleach. Or scrubbing them with a pumice soap. Like lava. If they have it across the pond. If not try using that Gunk stuff (if available) that's used for cleaning up after workin on cars etc.. It has a bit of pumice in it and cleans smells and grease etc off excellently.
Gil

If you've got to do all that, you're sticking your finger, dick, nose, whateverthefuck, in something that you have no business being in!

[bombtek]

When I was a kid, I used to go fishing a lot (still do), and I used to come home with my hands REEKING of fish. My dad gave me damn good advice that I still use to this day. Wash your hands off with toothpaste as soon as you're done touching the smelly thing, whatever it is, and the smell will be offaya. It is as if it was never there.

[Rsmacker]

My cock now has a minty fresh zing to it. (If any green or red stripes appear, I'm fucked, and you're dead Bombtek!). Luckily I remembered that toothpaste and Japs eye are two things that should NEVER meet. That does make one hop a little.

I believe that the piss-stench has abated, either that or I'm just so used to it now that I don't give a fuck. I've tried getting people to sniff my fingers and no-one's having any of it. Try it yourselves folks, it's the funniest, yet most disturbing things anyone can ask you to do.
I recall standing outside a job one morning and pushing my hand under a young apprentice's nose saying:
"Sniff these fuckers" (It wasn't a trick or anything nasty, it was the stench of some waterproof mastic or something that I'd put my hands in)
He screwed his nose up and reared away.
At that precise moment a bus was pulling slowly alongside. My enduring memory is of seeing row upon row of faces inside looking our way, and every single one of them was going "Eeeeeeew". What must they have been thinking?
I think we both shat ourselves laughing, both of us were on the floor creased up.


Anyway, I'm glad the piss ming has gone, it's the Big Weekend tomorrow. Oh yes, 3rd weekend of the month is always special. Friday night it's to a fetish club for some BDSM shenanigans (East German border guard outfit for me tomorrow I think). That's always a late one, especially if a certain chubby little chick is there and I get roped in (so to speak) with balling her brains out. Most months I roll out of there at 8am-ish.

Then Saturday night it's to a party I attend most months, one where I once ended up mummified in cling film whilst a woman shoved ice cubes up my arse. Apparently the photos are hilarious. I doubt I'll see them till I'm Prime Minister. Obviously it's shagarama there till 4am or so.

Sunday, it's off to the Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar, to stock up on essentials. Like canes and thumb-cuffs and floggers and bum lube (yes yes WB, see, I always think of you). After an afternoon of getting new ideas for more filth, it's back to Chameleons again for another night of rudeness. I'll be avoiding Scottish piss-women this time though.

Oh yeah, and then Monday I'll be too tired to do any work and will stay in bed all day. Come on, got to get my priorities right.

[Rsmacker]

My votes is wallowing in a warm Lavender bath, sloshing dirty martini's into your face, making sure to wash your entire face with them, but drinking most. Then scrub down with tomato juice and lemon or lime juce.

You'll have a different smell tomorrow.

Yep, the smell of other men's cum, I shouldn't wonder. That's a very, um, feminine wash routine, are you good with colours too?

I can't decide whether "sloshing dirty martinis into your face" is some perversion I haven't yet encountered, or just another name for a Bukkake-fest. I reckon at the very least it would make you smell like an alcoholic Essex Girl (aren't they all?).

[Rsmacker]

If you've got to do all that, you're sticking your finger, dick, nose, whateverthefuck, in something that you have no business being in!

My nose is quite large, and always seems to end up pressed into a girl's cornhole when I'm eating out at the Y in the 69 seat. I always give it a good wash in case there's a tomato skin left on it afterwards. Never had any brown bogeys yet though (touch wood).

[bombtek]

"I believe that the piss-stench has abated, either that or I'm just so used to it now that I don't give a fuck. I've tried getting people to sniff my fingers and no-one's having any of it. Try it yourselves folks, it's the funniest, yet most disturbing things anyone can ask you to do."



Doing my job involves working in a glovebox to keep stuff from getting out into the working environment that you really really don't want there. Anyways, when you're holding said stuff with one hand, and pouring it into a container that you're holding with the other hand, you're hands are kind of occupied, you might as well be wearing a pair of handcuffs and be cuffed to an immovable object. You do NOT want any of this stuff to spill even in the glovebox....they're a pain to clean up...So when a funloving co-oworker stands beside you to watch what you're doing, but has a big goofy grin on his face, you know you're fucked.

Apparently my funloving co-worker has a really itchy asshole that he scratches at opportune times. He will then take this opportunity to waft his scratching fingertip basically into each nostril and ask "does this smell like anything?"

You haven't got much of a choice but to take it or make a mess that you will have no choice but to clean up, and you can't just clean it up with some windex and a paper towel. So you grimace and tell the truth "it smells like shit".

[atdguitars]

i am concerned for the mental health of most members on this board.

+1000000000000

[Ben...]

I am concerned for the mental health of most members on this board.

As am I.

[Snoogans]

Hey Rs, have you ever encountered Max Moseley on your nights out?

[Rsmacker]

Not that I know of, but I have met at least 2 of the "prostitutes" he partied with before, and given them damned good spankings. (And that word prostitute is a misnomer, they all genuinely love it and there's no sex involved in the transaction.)

I'm thinking of organising a totally un-PC 40th birthday party for myself later in the year, involving a Max Mosely-style scenario where I'm the naughty F1 official being spanked by some (baby)oily pit girls. And then I bugger them.
I want Nazi uniforms, salutes, British colonial outfits, pith helmets, subjugated natives, the works. If it's offensive to somebody, I want it at my party.

Oh, and only one of you lot is invited - Wilksy Baby. I have something special planned for that naughty puppy.

[elysianfield]

Oh, and only one of you lot is invited - Wilksy Baby. I have something special planned for that naughty puppy.

what makes you think we're all begging to come along to your special event anyway?! lol

[jacksoncsplayer]

Why did Austin Powers just come to mind