Massive shite

[toejam]

ok ok, this whole shit thread is really fucking good, but newc's 45 min. ordeal put it over the top. the "ratemypoo" really added flavor too

Newc didn't even post in this thread! :ROTF:

[Rsmacker]

I leave a big stick by the crapper in case I lay Bungle's Finger and have to break its back to get it to go down.

Poo is a wonderful thing for a laugh, especially when you are talking to old people. The older they get, the less of a fuck they give and you can have a scream with them about their cack stories.

My friend's Mum told us once about a dastardly villain who was much feared in her neighbourhood during the War. No, not Adolf Hitler and his Nazi horde, but (in hushed tones) "The Flying Pasty Flinger".
Evidently, in between the Luftwaffe dropping little parcels of misery, some bastard was going round wrapping up their turds in newspaper, putting them on someone's doorstep, lighting the paper, then running away after knocking the door. Result - one angry householder trying his best to win the War for the forces of freedom and liberty, being tricked into stamping out a flaming parcel of human cack on his doorstep.

This went on for some time, but one night, this took a sinister turn. Apparently the Phantom Shitter, as he was known up till then, took a leaf out of Goering's book with his V1 Doodlebugs, and graduated by developing the "Flying Pasty" which is basically a fresh warm stool wrapped in newspaper and flung over a fence at some unsuspecting individual.

Evidently the cry would go up : "The Flying Pasty Flinger strikes again!", as yet another deadly parcel was delivered, only for the culprit to evade capture by an angry mob (of kids who were actually pissing themselves laughing).
To this day, the identity of The Flying Pasty Flinger remains a mystery, only the echoes of their footsteps reverberate down through the years as they make another daring escape down a back alley, cackling at their heinous crime.

You know, I have a feeling the Flying Pasty Flinger may be about to strike again, veee-rry soon, and not a million miles from here.......


*Edit. By strange coincidence, I recall a story my Ma told me, that my Grandma would always greet a massive Bismarck-like turd nosing out of the pan with the words "Eeh, it's sticking out like Hitler's arm!" (a reference to Brownshirts, IIRC)
God bless her, I wish she had been around when I was old enough to understand, I get the impression she was a fucking nutter!

[MartinBarre]

Evidently, in between the Luftwaffe dropping little parcels of misery, some bastard was going round wrapping up their turds in newspaper, putting them on someone's doorstep, lighting the paper, then running away after knocking the door.

Up until this point I actually believed your stories, yes, every word. But I know you made this up.

What you describe is surely a Scottish invention, better known as "Light a shite".

[MakeAJazzNoiseHere]

Newc didn't even post in this thread! :ROTF:

Shhh.... Don't spoil the fun, man.

[Axewielder]

Phantom shitters, phantom posters, this thread is spooky!

[Mr.Shreddy]

newc didn't even post in this thread!

i know!!! :d

[Dred]

What's worse, is when you got a wet one, and the thing sprays all over the place. Well, not really, the only place it doesn't get to is that huge fucking hole taking up 95% of the space on your toilet.

But worst of all, is when you take a shower, and nature calls... Then you wipe and- oh shit!

[Axewielder]

I find that I don't have as many "issues" if I take it easy on the craft beers. Man there is a price to be paid for slugging down too many of those!

[horns666]

Oh F yeah..I had a double helix coiler that actually included an iceburg! It was quite impressive and it was all in one heave without breaking. I love that!

SEEGEE posted a hilarious poop incident on one of the recent threads I posted (prolly the poop one)..I couldn't breathe.

Speaking of wives..Once my wife didn't flush and I was blown away of what I saw. It looked exactly like a cup of Cocoa Puffs. at the bottom of the bowl. I mean..WTF is that???!!:think:

[VitaminG]

my stepmum used to make me go into the yard & find a stick to break it up. Now that I'm all growed up, I can let it stew...

[zeegler]

I'm about to do one. If it's anything special, I'll take a picture for you guys.