Just had a major rage episode.

[lerxstcat]

Do you realize that I was just just diagnosed with Misanthropy and Agoraphopia. On top of Adjustment anxiety disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and Chronic Major Depression.

I hate people so much I say home at all times to avoid contact with them. I literally have anxiety attacks that shoot my blood pressure close to 200/140. That immediately turns to rage and aggression. It doesn't matter who or where. Whenver I perceive an act of disrepect, rudeness or blatant lack of common courtesy toward others, I confront them full on. It doesn't matter if I'm at the gas station waiting for some old fuck scratching their instant lotto tickets with a line of people behind them. Like they're the only ones in the fuggin' place. The first 30 seconds is on me..I give 'em that. Then my blood pressure boils at the 60 second mark..by the time we hit the 90 second mark I'm off and runnin'. You know what, it always works. They get the flying fuck outta my face!

I've struck people with my car walking slow on purpose. I beat the dicks off my rent-a-booger neighbors and made them move that week. Beat one with a mag-lite, just my .38 up another's nose.

I am the epitome of a ticking time bomb. That is why I avoid people whenver I possibly can.

I've see TWO shrinks every week for anger management and take meds for this shit since 3-29-2001 and it's only gotten worse.

I had to take action for rude, disrespectful behavior from giants in the ghetto and cultivated a demeanor, look and fighting skills that quickly establishes me as the alpha male in all situaltions. I fought young bucks, kickin' and screaming on a daily basis that make Lebron James look tiny. I don't acknowledge size, gender or status (lawyers, doctors, preist, ect) I arrasted all of the above. so to me nobody is exempt of being and asshole, and I have my way of treating assholes down to a science...and I'm always surrounded by assholes.

I used to break thinks, but that just cost me money. So I don't break things anymore. I save that energy for assholes.

But I treat my family and friends like gold.

This is my life..I know I won't live much past 50..if that. This had to do alot of i damage. but I can't get a grip on this no matter how much I try. I would eat my gun if my family didn't need me because I hate this world and the people on it. Death sounds so fuggin' comforting to me. I'm pissed that I'm needed. I saw death every single day icluding kids, countless friends, , and plenty of assholes. It doesn't mean much to me anymore. You should see how we're treated when we die..by the funeral home directors, coroner's and shit. No dignity at all. Like sacks of shit.

Yeah..I know about Rage. It's not even scary anymore. It's a way of a very miserable life.

You'll be OK Zeegs..love the family, enjoy yourself man, and take it easy

It's why I did a 180 with my faith in 1992.

It's guys like DRM (David) I'm concerened about. He's 4 years older than my son.

This is why I "get" you, my brother.... I have faith, but I am sure if I went through a fraction of what you have, that faith would be tested and probably snap. You're a better man than I am, I know that.

DRM, Christ, 18-year-olds should not have to experience what he has. The fact he takes it in stride amazes me, but there has to be serious pain he's keeping wrapped up so he can keep going, keep doing his duty. I can't even imagine doing that.

I used to suffer from rage. Worst thing I broke was an Epiphone Melody Maker copy, a 60s guitar from when the Epis were made in Kalamazoo right beside the Gibsons. Only diff was the logo back then. This happened in 1978 IIRC.

My gf came home after being missing for a day and told me she'd just fucked my brother's best friend, who was supposedly a friend of mine too.

Of course, I was playing my 1967 SG Standard when she told me, so at least I had the good sense to put downb the SG, pick up the Epi, and break THAT one instead. Broke it into 4 pieces.

But at least I didn't hit her. On the other hand, the Epi never did me wrong!

I've had to learn to control my rage because of my medical problems. My blood pressure goes through the roof if I get too pissed, so I have learned to count to 10 or whatever. I'm not going to stroke out or have a heart attack because of anger - I hope.

I think smoking some weed to calm down is a pretty harmless thing, and gives you a great buzz. Weed is the most benign of mind-altering substances IMO, better than other drugs or alcohol.

[toxikdeth]

I agree horns is a better man than me too

[MartinBarre]

If he got pissed then smoked how is it the problem? Just curious about how your logic works.

Do I really need to explain that?

[gmbob22]

hard to be mad with a bowl of purple, then again, hard to be very functional after a bowl of purple

[gmbob22]

This is why I "get" you, my brother.... I have faith, but I am sure if I went through a fraction of what you have, that faith would be tested and probably snap. You're a better man than I am, I know that.

DRM, Christ, 18-year-olds should not have to experience what he has. The fact he takes it in stride amazes me, but there has to be serious pain he's keeping wrapped up so he can keep going, keep doing his duty. I can't even imagine doing that.

I used to suffer from rage. Worst thing I broke was an Epiphone Melody Maker copy, a 60s guitar from when the Epis were made in Kalamazoo right beside the Gibsons. Only diff was the logo back then. This happened in 1978 IIRC.

My gf came home after being missing for a day and told me she'd just fucked my brother's best friend, who was supposedly a friend of mine too.

Of course, I was playing my 1967 SG Standard when she told me, so at least I had the good sense to put downb the SG, pick up the Epi, and break THAT one instead. Broke it into 4 pieces.

But at least I didn't hit her. On the other hand, the Epi never did me wrong!

I've had to learn to control my rage because of my medical problems. My blood pressure goes through the roof if I get too pissed, so I have learned to count to 10 or whatever. I'm not going to stroke out or have a heart attack because of anger - I hope.

I think smoking some weed to calm down is a pretty harmless thing, and gives you a great buzz. Weed is the most benign of mind-altering substances IMO, better than other drugs or alcohol.

and congrats on that, i would have broke that hoe bag in 4 pieces, not the guitar

[zeegler]

Bill, you're a good guy nevertheless. I feel the same way too. Rude, ignorant people just fire me up.

Funny that I started this thread, because Saturday night, I was in a fight, but ironically, I had nothing to do with starting it. Unfortunately, I also can't say that I came out on top. It was broken up before it really got to the point of who won and who lost, but I do have some bruised ribs (at least, possibly broken), and some scrapes. Apparently the other guy's face is a bit of a mess though. Mine looks just fine.

The ribs hurt like fuck though. I'm definitely gonna have to miss a couple of days of work.

[butrus]

You call sucking bong (afther ants,cat and flies attack )a mayor rage episode ?:ROTF:

Your not even close

And somebody suggesting to go easy on that bong is not such a bad idea.
Afther a decade or so of smoking pot(been cleanish for five years)often experienced severe nervous attacks

[horns666]

Bill, you're a good guy nevertheless. I feel the same way too. Rude, ignorant people just fire me up.

Funny that I started this thread, because Saturday night, I was in a fight, but ironically, I had nothing to do with starting it. Unfortunately, I also can't say that I came out on top. It was broken up before it really got to the point of who won and who lost, but I do have some bruised ribs (at least, possibly broken), and some scrapes. Apparently the other guy's face is a bit of a mess though. Mine looks just fine.

The ribs hurt like fuck though. I'm definitely gonna have to miss a couple of days of work.

See Paul, this is what happens when I go out for 2 fuggin' minutes. That's why I don't leave the fuggin' house. I have a new doctor and his policy with all patients when prescribing any painkillers is a random tox screen. Not that I give a fuck about taking anything I'm not prescribed..but that puts a major squash on weed. I still have two frozen buds I can't smoke. That shit can stay in your system for a fuggin' month..shit!!!

Be good Zeegs..much love man!!!

[Leo Chang]

My gf came home after being missing for a day and told me she'd just fucked my brother's best friend, who was supposedly a friend of mine too.

Something similar happened to me, only she told me on the phone, not in person.

Good thing too, because otherwise I wouldn't be posting here now... probably sitting in a cell somewhere.

I have always had this seemingly infinite reserve of anger / aggression to draw from, and often in my teenage, when I get really angry, my field of vision would be tinged with a faint red outline. (like red hot flames)

But that night, when she told me about it over the phone, it was the most extreme fit of rage ever for me. It's the type of anger that is so over the top, that I actually became very calm. Not only, in that icy cold calmness, I was fully ready to kill in cold blood. (like how blue flames are actually MUCH hotter than red flames)

Then I noticed my field of vision was tinged with a faint BLACK outline.

That snapped me out of it.

I realized that nothing is worth unleashing that type of negativity on any person (or any other sentient beings), and I needed to do something about it. Took up Zen meditation, and it has helped tremendously.

It improved my temper, and indeed my performance in all aspects of life. Because I am calmer, can think clearer, able to "tune out" stress + fear, and just do whatever I need to be doing.... all while appreciating the positivity in all things.

Sometimes I slip from that, but that's happening less and less.

For ppl who like the "high" that drugs give them... try meditation, it'll give you much better "high"s, and with no side-effects


- Leo.

[Leo Chang]

Things like meditation target anger / aggression (and indeed all negativity) at their source.

But such methods need consistent practice over time to yield visible results. So in the meantime, still need other ways of re-directing that anger / aggression toward constructive ends.

In many mystical traditions, fire is an excellent energy for transformation. So use that fiery anger / aggression and turn it into an iron clad determination to produce lasting (positive) personal change.

It will enable you to "burn" through any obstacles you encounter in your chosen field of pursuit.

Channeling that anger / aggression into workouts or other physical outlets like that are great... but ultimately I think turning it into a permanent inner resource (rather than a liability) is a much better choice.


- Leo.

[atomic charvel guy]

Leo,
although you felt rage at the bad news you got, which is natural given the circumstances, what was laying at the bottom of it all was a broken heart.
and I don't know what's worse, being dope sick or having a broken heart.
they both suck, at least the dope sickness goes away a lot quicker than the broken heart.

[Hellbat]

When I went to high school, part of our PE curriculum was meditation techniques. Meditation can be very helpful in clearing thoughts, visualization, and calming...

Especially when preceded with a fat bowl.



Sorry, I don't mean to trivialize what you are talking about, I just can't help but crack jokes about things. It's in my nature.

I think rage/anger is part of the human condition. Some people deal with it so well that you would assume it doesn't happen to them, others are in jail because they can't/couldn't. First and foremost you have to know yourself.

Or in Bill's case, know your pud.

[Leo Chang]

Leo,
although you felt rage at the bad news you got, which is natural given the circumstances, what was laying at the bottom of it all was a broken heart.
and I don't know what's worse, being dope sick or having a broken heart.
they both suck, at least the dope sickness goes away a lot quicker than the broken heart.

Totally agree

It's all good though, because without her, I would not have gotten into meditation and all the other stuff that I later went on to study. So I am very grateful for that experience.

By the way, I should have made it clear... that was many years ago, so don't worry, already gotten over it and all that We are still friends, but I keep a safe distance

My main point that I wanted to convey in my previous posts was simply this: that one can turn any "negative" experience into positive assets. There is always a way, no matter how well hidden it is beneath layers of crap.

Of course, I never went through what some posters in this thread are experiencing on a daily basis... but that's what I truly believe, and hopefully it can be of use to some people who are reading this thread.


- Leo.

[Leo Chang]

When I went to high school, part of our PE curriculum was meditation techniques. Meditation can be very helpful in clearing thoughts, visualization, and calming...

Especially when preceded with a fat bowl.



Sorry, I don't mean to trivialize what you are talking about, I just can't help but crack jokes about things. It's in my nature.

I think rage/anger is part of the human condition. Some people deal with it so well that you would assume it doesn't happen to them, others are in jail because they can't/couldn't. First and foremost you have to know yourself.

Or in Bill's case, know your pud.

No problem man... after all, we ARE in Vancouver... :ROTF:

(I personally have never done "recreational drugs", and never will, but if other people want to do that, I got no problems with that... as long as I am not downwind from them )

As for anger / rage being human nature... partially agree, partially disagree. I agree that everyone has that aspect, which will come out once in a while (or more often for people like us )... but it's also in human nature to be infinitely adaptable, so we can learn to minimize our capacity to hold negativity, and maximize our capacity to hold (and share) positivity.

No one is doomed to a life of rage / anger / downward spirals... there is a solution to every problem, all we have to do is to focus on what we would rather have instead... find out what we need to do to get there, and implement the plan. Particularly in this era ... if the conventional Western way of dealing with something has not worked for you... go East... and vice versa. And talk to people whose background are very different from your own... often they can offer valuable perspective that we have trouble seeing on our own.

Granted, some issues are extremely thorny, and there are no easy / elegant solutions. That's ok, tackle it piece by piece just like how us guitarists learn a particularly challenging song. And in guitar playing as in life... physical + mental relaxation is SO important. I've had to learn that the hard way a few times, so now I am slowly starting to get the hang of working with myself rather than against myself.

Main thing is to maintain a positive mindset... because what you focus on expands... and like attracts like.

I seem to be rambling a lot recently, so I'll stop there... hope I didn't bore too many people


- Leo.

[zeegler]

You call sucking bong (afther ants,cat and flies attack )a mayor rage episode ?:ROTF:

Your not even close

And somebody suggesting to go easy on that bong is not such a bad idea.
Afther a decade or so of smoking pot(been cleanish for five years)often experienced severe nervous attacks

You completely missed the point obviously. My point is that something so trivial can set me off to the point where I am barely able to stay lucid, and keep ahold of myself. I'm actually pretty proud of myself that nothing got broken.

As for your nervous attacks, that's nothing to do with the pot. That's just retarded to even suggest. :ROTF: